Today I filled out my first application for an American passport and mailed it out. As I dropped the envelope in the mail box, I felt the significance of that moment. Symbolically, the envelope represented a tangible break with the country of my ancestry and of my youth. It was not unlike a break-up after a long and tumultuous relationship. A myriad of emotions followed me home.

Naturally, there was sadness, a sense of losing a familiar milieu that helped define my identity. In an instant, the truths that I have known about myself became questionable. For so long, the relationship I had with Bosnia was one filled with pain and sadness, as well as pride and love. All of those emotions created a prism through which I filtered my sense of self and defined it as truth. With this final act of acceptance and welcoming of my new citizenship, I saw that prism clouding up, leaving me to wonder what other understandings of my once unchangeable identity were possible.

Walking towards my apartment building, I felt as if my anchor was gone and for a moment I became disoriented. I had defined myself as a Bosnian for a long time and this was familiar to me. However, now I need to find out who I am as an American, and there is no manual for that. Am I to abandon my Bosnian sensibilities altogether? Or, am I to use them as a foundation upon which I should build my new identity?

This idea of an alternative self, and new opportunities for change, made me feel excited and almost giddy. How many of us have the luxury or the opportunity to discover oneself again and experience a different truth? With this understanding, the feelings of loss and fear were soon replaced with a sense of privilege and intrigue.

How will I experience myself through my relationship with my new country? How will this newly discovered relationship alter my experience of my Bosnian self? Will I be able to incorporate these identities into a cohesive whole, or will they exist as two separate entities?

These questions are not uniquely mine. Indeed, they guide many of those who are trying to find their lives in countries other than that of their origin. For some, the abandonment of everything that represents “home” is the only way towards acceptance. For others, incorporation of, what they deem to be the “best” elements of both cultures, is the path towards a strong identity. But for most, the possibility of a complete loss of one’s identity is the issue that helps guide how they will navigate the unpredictable waters of new citizenship.