In these uncertain economic times, issues of crime and its social origin and impact are beginning to shape public discourse. Fear of social collapse often leads to scapegoating, and a reemerging focus on the negativity of single parenthood is just one example of this.

Questioning of the validity of single parent families is not a new occurrence. While this topic is entrenched in the fabric of public discussions, when and how we talk about it changes.

Recently, statistical correlations between single motherhood and crime have become causational relationships for political propagandists and media pundits. Arguments are made that single mothers are at the root of crime and other social ills. In addition, single fatherhood is never mentioned, except to extol the virtue of men brave enough to accept that responsibility. Rather, the spotlight is on a more vulnerable demographic group whose citizenship and social relevance have always been in question. The sad fact is that single mothers often cannot find a voice in a media dominated by men or women who adopt misogynistic perspectives to promote political ideologies.

It is easy to fall into this trap, and keep on talking about issues in the same way, helping to perpetuate the same pattern of accusations and blame. However, no one wonders if there is anything of value that comes from single motherhood. What kind of life lessons can one learn from this kind of human experience?

I grew up in a family of women; strong, determined and self sufficient women who charted their own life paths, on their own terms. As a child I was in awe of my grandmother and her successful career in film production. Often I spent my evenings imagining the exotic locations of whatever movie she was working on at the time. Though I saw my grandmother rarely, I loved going to her apartment and imagining my life there. I pretended to be grown up, coming back from a difficult shoot to my own place that looked like one of the pictures in some decorating magazines.

My grandmother knew of this internal dialogue, and whenever she would catch me day dreaming she instilled and affirmed the value of studies and hard work. “Make sure that you can support yourself first and then, perhaps you will find someone who will share your dreams. Whatever you do, make sure that you can live on your own.”

Speaking directly from her experience, my grandmother instilled in me the drive to succeed and a necessity for self sufficiency. Her decision to divorce my alcoholic grandfather was not an easy one. Facing a society that did not condone divorce, and having two young children that depended solely on her, made this a frightening choice. But even more frightening was the alternative of constantly undoing the damage that a bad parent can do.

This message of self reliance was further enforced by my mother, whose decision to divorce an abusive husband and father was welcomed by my sister and me. In order to support us, she sought additional typing work aside from her full time job. I could not count the number of times I groggily woke up in the middle of the night to the clinking sound of typing; watching mom’s back hunched over an old typewriter. I would go back to bed, comforted that mom was doing everything necessary to keep us safe, fed, clothed and in a stable home. And that is the everyday reality for millions of single parent families.

Seeing these ordinary women make extraordinary choices and becoming even stronger through their struggles directly shaped my own understanding of my direction in life. Their choices and challenges are repeated in many households around the world. The fact that their voices are hardly heard is a symptom of a skewed and politicized media, and not at all reflective of truth. Their life experiences are a precious gift and they deserve to be deemed valuable and significant.