Top Ten Questions (and Responses) Members of Congress Should Ask FAIR Representatives

September 16, 2009 by Rev. David L. Ostendorf
Filed under: Immigration, Politics 
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Today members of the Federation for American Immigration Reform (FAIR) are fanning out through the halls of Congress to press their agenda with Members, hoping to “Hold Their Feet to the Fire” of anti-immigrant fervor. It has not been a good week for FAIR. Turnout for its big event was awful. It got a good share of bad press; banned by the Smithsonian from returning for its awards dinner; and leafleted twice at its Radio Row hotel. The 4-H Center probably wishes it hadn’t hosted the FAIR Fire squadron after a flood of phone calls questioning that decision. And it’s only Wednesday!

Since Members of Congress and their staffs are very busy, we offer here—in the spirit of lending a helping hand—ten questions they can ask FAIR representatives if they visit.

1. Do you live in my District/State? A. Really? I hope you’ll move out soon. B. No? Why are you wasting my time?

2. When are you going to return that racist $1.2 million FAIR got from the Pioneer Fund? A. Never? Why don’t you just pass it through to the Klan? B. There is no B.

3. Since the Smithsonian banned FAIR from using its space again, where will you hold your awards dinner next year? A. Glen Beck’s studio? B. Roy Beck’s basement?

4. For an alleged mass movement against mass immigration, why was your turnout this year so embarrassingly miserable? A. You’re all smoke and no Fire. B. You couldn’t organize more than fifty.

5. How’s your latest eugenics study going? A. There isn’t one? Why not? B. You don’t call your stuff eugenics anymore?

6. Why don’t you want immigrants to have good health care? A. You already had your flu shots? B. You want Joe Wilson to be President?

7. What’s up with your hanging out with the vigilante Minutemen? A. You’re too afraid to pack your own guns? Wow. B. You’re too lazy to defend the border yourselves? Wow.

8. Do you support the Constitution of the United States? A. Yes? But only if it’s printed on white paper? B. Yes? But only up to the Tenth Amendment?

9. Why aren’t there any African Americans in your contingent? A. The four members of your infamous Choose Black America front were busy this week? B. Black people have to be treated like immigrants too?

10. What’s with FAIR’s ties to white nationalists? A. You like the intellectual stimulation? B. There’s a growing market for “Whites Only” signs?

Suggested closing statement (after three minutes): We have a lot of other questions as well, but we’re really busy here with important work. Thanks so much for coming to see us! Now we’re really Fired Up, Ready to Go!

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